My mom got the call today and all they would say is that there is definitely something going on and they got her in to see the oncologist on Friday. She is being really strong. I wish I could say the same for me. I have been a mess since yesterday evening. Never look this kind of stuff up on the internet if you aren't ready to read some horrible statistics. I somehow need to grieve over this and get it together for her. She asked me to go to her appointment with her and I have asked my husband if he can rearrange his work schedule so I can go.

I just keep having thoughts going through my head. Like, my kids are so young, if something happens to her they won't remember her. She is their only Grandma because my husbands mom chooses to not be in their life. My dad needs her around. She has put up with so much at her job putting off retirement for this to happen? They are in the middle of building a house on their land so they can have a place to go on the weekends. All of the fights we had through the years. These are just a few of the things swirling around in my head keeping me up last night. Then, I had a horrible dream and we were fighting. That pretty much sucked.

If I could just stop crying.

I know God is the only one that knows the outcome of this. Thankfully my mom has him in her heart.